WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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