Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
