i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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