hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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