yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
