shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
