is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
