I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
