I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
