He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
