if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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