After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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