What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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