I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Found your dick twin last night
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Randomize
