4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
My Higher Power is John Stamos
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
