Your face is a jimmy john
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
