I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Also, beer. Big fan.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
