Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
