He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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