I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
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Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
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how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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