tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
