Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
