I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
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As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
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Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
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