there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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