i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
