for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize