I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
