she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
