How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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