Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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