I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
