Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
