Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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