bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
