He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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