How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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