I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
