trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
