Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
