I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
