i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
