Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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