My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
