Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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