Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
