please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The struggles of a small town man whore
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
