Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
