Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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