He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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