Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
