Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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