I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
