my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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