You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
