Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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