I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
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I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
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The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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