Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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