im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Dicks are not precious.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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