M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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