I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Oh god it's open bar.
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