Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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