I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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