I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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