Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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