I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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