when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
